The Birth Story of Espa Ray
Gallery at bottom of page
an unassisted birth in Boone, NC - just under two hours of labor
written by the mama
In the middle of the night I awoke for my typical witching hour and took up my place next to the wood stove with a book. Over the past month, I woke up in the night like clockwork. The tick of the fan, the purr of the black cat, the little mouse on the apothecary, a warm blanket, a cold glass of water, apples and almond butter (so hungry, so hungry), the comforts of the midnight hour.
Except this midnight hour, the first moments of November 12th, had a different air to it. Instead of waking in a stupor, I woke up with bright eyes, fully alive as soon as I woke.
On the evening of the 11th, I had the full body notion that baby was coming soon, though "soon" on the universe's timeline is so ambiguous. As the hours in the night ticked on, I began to have very gentle period like cramps.They came at even intervals of about 6-10 minutes apart, and they carried on for about an hour and a half before easing. After weeks of all kinds of sensations, I didn't put too much thought into it but figured perhaps when I woke the next morning I'd be facing the journey through labor land.
I crawled back into bed about 3 am. All was calm and quiet in my body and I gently drifted off. Soon my consciousness fell into a dream, I was very pregnant and found myself standing in the waiting room of a hospital. All around me babies cried and people coughed, I thought to myself "Why am I here? I'm about to give birth, I should be at home." I turn to leave and begin descending the stairs to go, toddler on my hip, and I have my first real contraction.
I awaken back to this realm, and am in fact having my first contraction. I ride out a few of them before I realize how powerful they are. It's still dark out as I call to my partner "this baby is coming!" The toddler curled against me began to stir. Jeremiah texts the few folks I invited to the birth.. Audrie Emma to be Verawynn’s birth buddy, Taylor and Em to hold the vibration and bear sacred witness.
I get out of bed, it's 5:50 am now. I make my way to the toilet, contractions coming on strong and steady. I feel the urge to poop and poop and poop. Pooping through the contractions was SO intense, but something told me to stay and work it out. After several moments of that, I finally manage to stand.I hobble to the couch around the birth tub my partner dutifully filled up for me.
I lay down on the sheep skin and begin my journey into deep surrender. As my body contracts, I feel a part of me wanting to clench against the pain, but I know better this time and the words "yield to it" enter my mind. This becomes my mantra for the next hour and a half.
At some point, Audrie Emma arrives and takes V outside. Verawynn was rather concerned as to why I wasn't doing our typical morning routine of tending to her hunger, thirst, and diaper needs. I was so grateful AE arrived to take her outside and feed her, leaving the space to J and I.
Time slips away and my body begins involuntarily bearing down and pushing. I look at J and tell him it feels like I'm already pushing to get the baby out. It felt like it was too early to already be pushing, but I continued to yield to the movements of my body. Soon my water broke and wow what a relief!
The pressure seemed to ease off a bit. J tried to give me comforting touch, but I found I didn't want it. I just wanted to be alone in my body and all of the intensity. I could feel my baby moving down and soon I felt all the muscles in my abdomen begin to engage in time with the muscles of my pelvic floor. The amount of power surging through my body at this point was and still is mind boggling. I felt the baby begin to crown and soon heard J say “Oh! there's a baby coming!" "I know" I gritted out my teeth as another contraction beared down through my body. I had J prop my leg up to create more space and asked if it was a head. The babe had been breech at 37 weeks and I hadn't felt it turn. He told me it had hair on it, but it sure didn't look like a head.
I’m like alright… well its got hair on it so its probably a head (lol)
I don’t remember how many times she crowns but I tried to go slow on that part and tried to let her crown a few times before I start pushing with the bearing down. At some point I pushed and her head comes out and J tells me the cord is around her neck. In the next contraction that came, I pushed pretty hard. I don’t think I got her out in that one push, I think it took another contraction.
Then she came out and J caught her and said its a girl!!
The cord was not wrapped around her neck, it was just draped around her like a scarf. He hands her to me and she is such a little squishy face with dark hair and my first thought is “wow you look nothing like your sister.” Leading up to the birth of Espa, I was having such a hard time imaging that it could be anything other than another verawynn (her sister). I even had a dream where I was in the car and I had three verawynns in the car.
Audrie Emma was holding Verawynn and she got to watch the baby come out, they were standing over by the piano. I birthed onto the sheepskin which was amazing because it caught all the birth fluid and there was literal zero cleanup. J just took that sheepskin outside and hosed it down and hung it up to dry.
(unfinished)
